What I’ll Never Do To My Child (Thank Mom)

This is one of the biggest ponderous moments I can captivate. Thinking back about “my scars”, whether emotional/physical/mental they are legitimate feelings that need to be acknowledged, perspectives that are accountable and true to heart.

But the one topic about parenting that I never want to forget for the sake of my own would be the need to compare my parents parenting with my parenting.

Why?….. Because there is no comparing.

My grandmother and grandfather met in a displaced person’s camp in West Germany during the beginning of WWII. My grandmother’s family barely made it away from Stalin! The train they were on “supposedly” was bombed during their escape. My grandfather finessed his way out of German POW by the skin of his teeth.

All I can say is that was not my mother’s life.

So why is she comparing her parents parenting to hers? how does that even make sense…?!? American Born with hard hustling immigrant parents attempting to recreate parental standards of the 1950s to justify the actions of 1993 parenting.

Yes, this is a pressing issue for me, mostly because I am a complete accident. more because my mother told me stories of how I was a miracle to be alive, I’ll call me a “miraculous mistake”.

(From Dad’s Perspective)- My mom was under the impression she couldn’t have a child. (i know this is personal {but don’t tell kids shit that you don’t want them to repeat!} case and point me). The only reason why I can deduce to this assumption is due to my father saying straight to my face….. “She said she couldn’t get pregnant!”(I thought of every man that believes that line)

(Mom’s Perspective)- ………. Women! you have to help me, I can’t solve this riddle. but if I had to take a guess at mediocrity I’d say a couple of things…. It always sounds nice to make nice sounds using words. That’s all

I’m attempting to vent avoiding malicious behaviors and negative thoughts.

One thing that I’ve noticed is that it’s better to completely avoid a trigger than to attempt to persevere through victoriously.

For me… ME….. I’m realizing that avoidance is really the most effective way to fix up my conduct.

not like its terrible… just its not as nice as I could be while also finding a more hospitable way to communicate, express and pass out shit to people who deserve it.

Like for instance, one thing I need to stop is the random bad talk I push on these helpless Apex Legends Players…. I’ve broken a number of individuals who are so distraught by what I’m saying to them that they, LITERALLY … freak out on the microphone to the point of damn near tears.

Not a good thing but something I’m working on for one reason or another.

Little does anyone know, I went to Saint Johns Northwestern Military Academy in Delafield, Wisconsin…

(Super Duper Long Story)

But either way,

What will I never do to my child?

I will never try to compare my parenting to my parent’s parenting, other than to attempt to establish a genuine connection that explains and gives a detailed understanding of the way I grew up.

Why?

Because I was never honestly explained what life for my mother was like growing up. All I knew is we moved in with grandma after I was born.

soooooo what did I think?

My mom grew up with the same conditions that I was naturally nurtured within. even though she grew up in the inner city of Chicago. The only thing I knew of the church was that’s where Chicago was. I thought buses only came in yellow and laptops were mined completely assembled out of the mine… as if there were Toshiba tablets ready to go out of the mine!

Besides that, there’s a lot more.

But my mom told me to never settle for mediocrity. now I wonder where that model came from? All in all, it was the earlier days before the internet and everything.

All in all, I feel like if you wait until 38 to have a kid… You better have quit smoking cigarettes, stopped drinking and sorted your life out for god sakes. Like a child shouldn’t have to hear his mother claim she quit smoking cigarettes for 8 years of my life… and then all of a sudden smoked the other 17 years away?! what does that say, you’re stressed? (No YOU ARE FEEBLE MINDED) What else……. Hey, you father’s that just want to fuck. STOP IT

Swear half of the trick is sexually starving through trickery and game.

Trust me I CANNOT complain about being alive. I’m a lucky exception to a tragedy of planning.

So here is what I’m Grateful for

1. Life- Fr what’s life w/o life
2. Opportunity-
3. The “Symbolic Family”- Though every family has problems, these problems are minuscule compared to the problems of a broken family (Trust… I’m the product”). My Neighbors were the best thing that ever moved in when I was 8. though I was a socially behind the curve, I found myself given the gift of sight, (i had never seen mom/dad in the same house). See when you are the son of a single mom…. You hang out with other single mom kids, You actually forget that fathers are part of protection(then again I am less than 3 feet tall)
4. Extra Chances- Life could be Hell, but it’s not and things are looking up
5. Balks- For me, it’s that moment you stop yourself from being a complete idiot.

Now I’m done for this post but I sure feel more clear about everything after writing this.

Story Lesson: Be real, don’t make excuses, don’t compare to the incomparable.

Quit Smoking Early Dumbass!

or just don’t start

Me: 2.5 Months Nicotine free/1 year Cigarrette Free