Welcome to my private story told via vocal

now, it all started one winter break at the age of 12 years old. I was at the local outdoor mall with my dad who had just flown in show Toronto Canada to Chicago to spend some time with his bastard son. This my friends is where our wonderfully tragic story begins. Unfortunately, my dad didn't see the value or the opportunity in purchasing an Apple MacBook Pro for his son for Christmas. The benefits were never considered & the immediate answer was a hard NO. No questions to why it was desired, the benefits or the potential grudge that would never go away.

Now this grudge isn’t special to me, many people go through the process of not getting things that they want/think they need. Thinking back to that moment in 2006, I can understand why my father took no interest into providing tools to his son to succeed.

Now this is the start of a new series in my posts, something more positive but at the same time swiftly reflective.

regardless, the moral of this story. Family will many times try to discourage and hinder progress for their own benefit.

16 years of flying up sacrificing my life and community to visit distant family that push me to the side at the nearest convenience, with complete discouragement! With only encouraging words towards the goals and dreams of others.

Now all in all what I’d like you to do at this point is DREAM

Dream about a life filled with your passions, motivations autonomous & finding fulfillment.

These are things you will have to fight for as well as discounting many debates.

Not only Youtubing could have been a wonderful thing for me (at a much earlier age)

CryptoCurrency is another one that I was discouraged from. And after many attacks on my beilefs began to believe this fallacy full force…. I stopped XYO Geomining & back to the drawing book board.

Now it’s not like I’m maliciously angry with my father’s lack of parental presence (even with the time I was Around him) . But I am forever scarred to know that my family for many years has refused to acknowledge me as a individual and have clearly only seen me through a utilitarian lens of life.

I’m overall saddened by this, a person like me can be such a fun companion as well as helper. The 16 years I spent striving and sacrificing time for “family” was all in all, a pretty complete waste of time.

Not because the experience itself should be seen as unvalued. But more so the process of which my father proceeded has done ultimately more harm than any good(especially when he gets divorced AGAIN). Meeting my Half-Brother’s Mother’s family was honestly one of the most hurtful experience I’ve had. From my young age of 9, I would begin to visit my father in Canada, my first trip…… 1 month. Probably one of the most memorable hatred I can come up towards a coward that decided to allow his young 9 year old to stay home alone while his workaholic ass wasted time allowing ME to discover porn and completely destroy my brains Neuropathways. TRUST I was only looking for something to make me feel like I was home! I was in a different country “Canada” & knew no-one! my half-brother was just born and I just wanted to feel USA. So I found a computer and went to the most innocent websites a child could think of to feel the USA, The Whitehouse!

Now the site is gone now…. but that didn’t stop the damage it caused me and still struck with. Whitehouse.com GO FUCK YOURSELF

Literally found a Porn Site at the age of 9 years old…. That’s the result of nonpresent parenting. Workaholic justifications will be sure to come next, I don’t care, because you don’t care James Taylor!

When I got to the age of 13 this problem presented itself to the family, I was 4 years addicted to porn and my dick was chaffing, no fucks given by the hype. Was in florida at my Dad’s Sister’s (my aunt LeAnne’s). I was caught damn near redhanded! Well…. the PC was on the browser but I was in the bathroom ;-). Ashley was disgusted by the images she saw but no even a blip on my families radar as to be something to discuss and get to the bottom of .

Beyond this whole PP (Porn Problem)

I have a Half-Brother in Canada that is 9 Years younger than me, He’s a busy guy, but I don’t really care anymore. After years and years of spending a majority of our time together through a Plexiglass wall(no not prison but close… Hockey). Maybe this whole concept was a garbage piece from the start. How do I, a 9 year older half-brother from a different country?

Realistically maybe it isn’t possible to integrate but that thought never crossed the mind of a man that couldn’t see DIVORCE coming at him though even Aidan(my half brother) had clearly seen it for years.
It’s pretty clear when you’ve only had your son in your vehicle 5 times from age 8–17. Mostly due to complete disappointment and being underprioritized.

Now I may mention that my father is a Domestic Abuse Survivor that went through parental abuse for sometime before being placed in a foster program in Canada… But! That doesn’t give him an excuse to allow his business to consume his whole life, especially when the opportunity to connect with his child is ripe.

this is all for today but I just felt the need to push this onto paper.

Believe in your dream!

sincerely, Julian